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| I got my first birthday presents today and one of them was a Cuisipro Accutec Extension Grater.
Is it really sad that I'm really excited about this gift? As I get a little older, it's strange the things that I appreciate. This is in fact the second lemon zester I have received as a gift.
A good friend with great intentions bought me a lemon zester from a garage sale a few years ago. For some reason I had mentioned to her how I wanted one to make a pie or other random baked good and my friend totally remembered my offhand comment surprising me with one a few weeks later. It was a wonderfully thoughtful gift, but unfortunately not actually the best lemon zester. Nonetheless and quite randomly as I now think about it, I brought the adequate, but not great lemon zester halfway around the world with me when I moved to Turkey.
Fast forward a few months ago and again, as I am in Turkey having recently baked some sort of baked good requiring the zest of a lemon, I offhandedly commented to another friend how my lemon zester, the thoughtful gift that it is, is nonetheless a slightly disappointing zester. And so for the second time I receive a lemon zester as a gift from thoughtful friends. Now all I need is a good recipe requiring some zest.
I have little patience for the development of relationships. I love initial interactions with new people and I love the deep resonance one has with old friends. However, the work it takes to go from mere acquaintance to significant relationship is not something that I necessarily enjoy. I like the first steps and the end results, but the process itself, eh, it's not something I'm way into.
The process of getting to know someone seems risky to me and I often feel like in the process I end up being overly exposed to the world. I'm afraid of overwhelming others with myself or through sharing myself with others losing parts of me that are significant. It's a bit like baking desserts with lemons. Too much zest and you overwhelm you dessert with tartness; too little zest and your dessert is flavorless.
I think the challenge for those who follow Jesus is twofold. First, we're called to be transformed and continually renewed into something flavorful and zesty and secondly we're called to be zested into the world giving it just enough flavor to draw attention without overwhelming and ruining things. May I be made into something zesty and may I be willing to be zested in all stages of my relationships.
Normally, I don't like to make a big deal of my birthday, but today my friends hosted a joint birthday party for me along with another friend and it was great fun. We had about 25 friends join us for delicious homemade pizza, games, dancing (the limbo and the electric slide), dessert, and great conversation. Tonight was a night when everything just feels right. I received some Turkish and English books, an Iranian card, my new extension grater, and a Eurorail pass. I'm sad not to join some dear friends in Las Vegas (site of my 21st birthday) this weekend (put five on Black for me, Aams), but am nonetheless excited about my travels these next few weeks to Austria, Germany, Switzerland, and perhaps even Italy. I may myself end up in a casino sometime soon. Grace, peace, and lady luck to you wherever you are!
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| It honestly took me a long time to learn how to walk in Turkey. At this moment, I'm not intending to be metaphorical. It's seriously difficult for me to walk here. The sidewalks from one street to another are quite variable and consistent only in the inconsistency of their unevenness. I'm not exagarating when I say that for at least the first six months living in Izmir I would trip many times a week (if not many times every day) as I learned to walk in this new place. One must learn to expect the unexpected never knowing if the next step will be similiar in level, angle, or material to the area from which one is stepping. Do remember that I grew up in the suburbs of Indiana where urban planning is ubiquitous and footpaths are even. Not so here:
I took this photograph tonight of what remains of the sidewalk by which I often come home. The past few weeks, the difficulty of walking has been compounded as the city is in the process of redoing many of the sidewalks. I'm not exactly sure why this process involves the complete destruction of the old sidewalks, perhaps it has something to do with the installation of natural gas pipelines. (Yes, it is true - we might someday get natural gas and perhaps along with it central heating!) Nonetheless, the sidewalks here have been in a state of disarray. Add to the craziness the fall rain showers and one's journeys are further complicated. I have thankfully never lived in a war zone before, but as I crossed through the rubble of a road last week I tried to imagine how much different the roads of one would be compared to ours.
 Part of Joseph Schrumpeter's theory on the free market economic system is that the new "creatively destroys" the established in a way which is oddly competitive and yet also benevolent allowing in the longterm both greater innovation and further growth. The jury is still out as to whether this "creative destruction" of the sidewalks is going to lead to greater ease for pedestrians travel or not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Nonetheless, as I once more am tripping forward, I am also remembering my first few months here and pondering on the ways in which I've grown since then. In many ways a lot of my understanding of the world has been creatively destroyed: my presuppositions about American and Turkish culture have been questioned, even more so my faith in God have been challenged, and to a great extent my identity as well as the roles in which I play both here and at home have continually been stretched.
As many times as I have tripped forward on the streets of this place, I've eventually learned to walk here more-or-less. As many times as I've literally tripped forward on the streets of Izmir, it seems that I have even moreso tripped forward as I learn to walk down the road of him who calls himself the way, the truth, and the life. Even-footedness, as desirable as it seems, doesn't often lead to the kind of growth I want in my life. And so while I might end up being more broken and bruised this way, I embrace this tripping forward, as long as the place in which I fall is forwards towards him.
I look forward to the day in which the bent is made straight, the broken made whole, and the rough made smooth. Until that day, I'll keep on taking steps forward when I'm able and tripping forward when I'm not.
I've been listening to Over the Rhine's Ohio recently and really enjoying it. The first time I heard the album it was in the background of a roadtrip from Cedar Campus. I remember hearing it in the background while I broke up with my girlfriend. I hate breaking up with girls. It seriously sucks. I'm so anxious about it. No matter what I do or how I handle it, I know that I end up hurting them. And usually I end up feeling both emotionally and physically ill. I assume it was because I associate this album with that conversation and the horrible break up feelings that I have avoided it for many years since.
Yet, when I ordered The Trumpet Child a few months ago, I decided to round out my Over the Rhine collection and order Ohio too. I love it. I especially love the second disc. It's totally mellow which is something that I often really appreciate in music. It drips of authenticity and inspires me to live. So often in life I exist, I observe, I seek out input, I take in; I function all too comfortably passively reacting and responding. The songs off this album inspire me to be. They inspire me to give, to bless, to be proactive and authentic. They inspire me to live. May you and I live, even just a little, these next few days. | | |
| Greetings Loyal Blog Readers! So sorry for not updating you all more recently. I know how annoyed I get when my favorite blogs aren't updated for a while:
The first emotion is concern. Has something happened to my blog friend? Are they alright? Has there been some sort of accident or illness? During this stage I frequently check their blogs eagerly expecting an update.
Shortly after that I start to feel slight jealousy or betrayal. Does my blog friend not know that I care? Are there more important people in his or her (sometimes I guess it could be their) life aside from me? Who or what is more important than me and why haven't they wrote about it on the blog? Don't their blog friends deserve to know what's going on? At this point, I stop checking regularly out of spite, yet I steal quick glances full of jealousy and cold anger every once in a while.
Next I generally feel ashamed and lame. Why would or should I expect this blog friend to continually keep informing me about their life? Why do I invest this much emotional energy into blog friends? I should spend more time thinking about and blessing my real friends. During the shame/lame phase, I take a little break from checking their blogs to regain/reassess my own mental/social health.
Finally, I feel release as I slowly drift away from my blog friend. No longer am I so emotionally involved; if they update at sometime in the future, I will look forward to reading it. In the interim, though, I'm no longer emotionally charged. I reset healthy blog reading boundaries, try to practice grace, and stop worrying. Besides, one great advantage of having blog friends is that even if you haven't visited for a long time, you can any time drop by again and catch up receive a full update on what you missed.
So now the update as to why I haven't been updating. I want to say that I've been pretty busy and therefore couldn't write (which is true to some extent), but the honest explanation is that I forgot my password. You ask why didn't you just request help from Xanga? Very good question, I agree, but unfortunately my account was connected to my since expired IUB e-mail account and therefore all the help from Xanga has gone into the abyss of the internet. Nevertheless, I have today rediscovered my password, updated my account, and look onward to the future in this brave new world of blogging.
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| "The story of a woman on the morning of war, remind me if you will what exactly we're fighting for. . ."
I remember the first time I listened to the album Californication. It was Spring Break 2003. I had recently gotten into the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I think I saw some advertisement for their By the Way album on VH1 in like the middle of the night and realized that this was a music group which would change my life. Fast forward a few weeks to the approaching Spring Break: at this point, my friends and I only being freshmen with no distinct plans, all pretty much headed in our own directions toward our respective homes. The night before we all left, I was hanging out with Tom Conley, a new friend who would go on to become one of my best in the world, and he told me that if I liked By the Way then I had no choice but to take his copy of Californication with me during Spring Break and listen to it incessantly. And so it was that I first listened to Californication. (As an interesting side note, randomly enough it wasn't until Spring Break 2005 in Irvine, Orange County, California that I actually bought my own copy of Californication.)
As you might remember, on March 20th of Spring Break 2003 the United States launched Operation Iraqi Freedom. To this day, I distinctly associate the grooves of Californication with the beginning of this conflict. I recall being glued to the television watching as the country inched towards war. The greenish night-vision images of our smart bombs from the Shock and Awe campaign reminded me more of a video game or movie than an actual place.
In the background of my memories are the melodies from this album, especially one chilling line from the song Easily:
"The story of a woman on the morning of war, remind me if you will what exactly we're fighting for. . ."
There is a poignancy in this lyric. Looking back on this unfortunate conflict four years later it is easy to forget exactly what it is we're fighting for. I know that there are people on all sides of and with various opinions
regarding the war in Iraq. I do have strong opinions about the
conflict, but feel not the need to elaborate
those views right now. Regardless of your particular views of this war, I think we can all agree that wars are serious and terrible events. I look forward to the day when
wars cease and our swords are beat into plowshares. Yet, until that
day, this lyric remains etched in my mind and its sentiment associated with the conflicts of war.
Four and a half years later, I find myself once more listening to Easily as the country in which I reside is teetering towards war with Iraq. Responding to recent attacks by the PKK - a socialist, separatist Kurdish terrorist organization based out of Northern Iraq - the National Assembly of Turkey on Wednesday overwhelmingly authorized the military to perform cross border offensives. Today, as Turkey was holding a referendum regarding the election procedures for the presidency, the PKK struck again killing at least twelve Turkish soldiers. This evening the top political and military leaders of Turkey held a meeting to decide on this country's next steps. Tonight, as I walked home, car horns were honked, Turkish flags were waved, and large groups gathered to shout the chants of war.
Just as the United States four and a half years ago seemed to know exactly what it was we were fighting for, so also the Turks today seem to know. Yet one wonders how long it will be until someone asks again ". . .remind me if you will what exactly we're fighting for. . ."
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| I don't know whether or not I really want to reenter the world of blogging after my failed attempt last year with the Multiply site. To truly do justice to a blog seems to be such a big commitment. I don't know if I'm ready to make such a commitment, but I've been inspired recently by the blogs of a few others:
- Janet always does a really good job of using her blog to inform her readers about both her many adventures as well as sharing noteworthy topics for thought and reflection
- Jake Dolson, whom I don't know personally, has a great blog about his life in Turkey which provides me with good perspective and insight to my adopted home
- Of course I must also mention The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs which feed my Apple ego while providing me with a healthy daily dose of cynicism and humor
Furthermore, I also really appreciate the "Currently. . ." feature of xanga.com which allows bloggers to share with the world what they are reading, listening to, or watching, that is the media they are consuming. Media influences our lives to a great extent and yet it is still rare to have the space in which we actually acknowledge it and/or talk about it. I always find myself wanting to share the media I'm consuming and so I'm excited to have the option to do it so conveniently.
In the end though, I mainly feel bad about how poor I am at staying in touch with people from home and sharing my stories with them. I hope that blogging will provide me a platform from which I can extrovert in a highly introvert-friendly way and that it opens a window into my life and thoughts for those from whom I'm separated.
For all these reasons I'm tenuously giving blogging another go. I'm going to have a practice run at it for the next couple of weeks and then reevaluate whether its a commitment I want to make for longer term. Let's hope for greater success than in the past. . .
I imagine a lot of my readers both from the States and from Turkey wonder what it is I do on daily basis. To this common question - which is one I too often find myself asking - there is no easy answer. However, having completed today, I do know what it is I have done. And since today is fairly typical day, I will henceforth blog about it sharing it with all the world for your enjoyment, at least I hope you enjoy it.
8:30 - Woke up to my alarm in a surprisingly cold room. Here in İzmir the weather has jarringly changed from warm summer to cool fall. Living in an apartment with central air/heating means that you generally feel any change in external temperature inside and perhaps are more aware of what the seasons. I've also found that its difficult to leave the warm blankets bed when the temperature outside of bed is much cooler than that inside of bed.
8:45 - Started preparing some curriculum for an upcoming English club.
9:45 - Grabed my backpack and bike, headed downstairs, and biked to. . .
It's interesting when I lived in the States going to IKEA was a rare and exciting event. There is an IKEA in the suburbs of Chicago, but I don't think I've ever gone to that one. Instead, I've gone twice to the Washington D.C. IKEAs. Both times were special and memorable. Fast forward two years to where I now live in Turkey within walking distance of IKEA and the remarkable IKEA Cafe. I'm pretty sure that IKEA Cafes are identical throughout the world. With high quality European/America food at reasonable prices and free refills (the only place I can think of in Turkey with free refills), you can't really beat it.
10:00 - Met with my friend Mailin. As I am living and working here, it's good to have friends who have more experience and perspective than I do. It's always good to have some help reflecting on the past, processing the present, and thinking about the future. It was refreshing to go over some of my past goals and think about what might be next.
12:00 - Returned home, worked on paperwork, researched some and finished an English club lesson, sent a few e-mails, scheduled some meetings, caught up on some internet news, and so forth.
4:00 - Headed out to run some errands including going to an internet cafe to print out today's lesson plan, stopping by our emlak (our realtor) to pay this month's rent, going to another shop to have photocopies of the lesson made, wandering around a nice area of a few shops, buying and eating an zeytin açma (an olive stuffed pastry), and picking up some elma çay (turkish apple tea).
5:00 - Headed to AEGEE for a English club about studying abroad which included interesting digressions about dogmatism, Desiderius Erasmus (yes, that's the Dutch philosopher I'm talking about), bookmobiles, and the fact that in Germany taxi's are often Mercedes.
6:30 - Went out for çay with some of the AEGEE folks and hung out for a while. It was good to meet some of the new members, to share about my life, answer there questions, and learn more about who they are.
8:00 - Returned home and ate dinner with my new roommate.
9:00 - Checked e-mail, caught up with the news again, read an interesting article from OpinionJournal.com about the Armenian resolution being debated in Congress, drank some elma çay, and decided to have a go at blogging again. . .
10:30 - Started to wind down, thought a bit about tomorrow, and headed towards bed (written in past tense for the sake of consistency).
There you have it, a summary of today, which is somewhat of a typical day here in Turkey. Interactions with Turkish university students, errands, wandering the streets, preparing for English clubs, reading and writing, and just being here to sit, drink some çay and be - these are the activities which generally make up my days and which at the end of a day hopefully make a difference to someone. Well, this has ended up a little bit longer than I expected. I promise not all the entries will be this long. And with that, I'm off for the night. . . do take care!
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